Anger is intense energy. Ask someone who loses control under its power. In fact, the true power of anger can be estimated with its symptoms itself. The body starts shaking, while the mind is depleted of all thoughts except the topic under discussion. For this kind of laser-sharp focus, I have been futilely trying meditation. The power that anger gives me, the omnipotent feeling, meditation is not able to yet 😀.
Anger can also be a signage signaling – “It’s time for a change”. Change your attitude or the situation or learn to handle the situation in a fruitful way. Do you remember, anger is what brought on the major revolutions in history? Strange, but have you ever realized that anger is a sure-shot way for your body to tell you, what you don’t like. And thus, it can make things crystal clear and help in deep realizations. Also, unlike Sadness, depression, irritation, or frustration, anger is the only negative emotion that results in action.
But the problem with anger is:
- The energy thus derived is not sustainable for long.
- We do not control this energy, the energy controls us. And that is exactly the danger – you cannot control it.
Hence the need for anger management. Managing anger is not about suppressing it, or otherwise shouting insensibly. It is about knowing when to suppress and when to vent out. Anger is like a flooded river, while anger management is like the dam built on the river. To control the volume of water that can be safely released.
What I used to do, whenever I got angry
- Become mute. Because our mind is at its sharpest when angry. It can also come out with the most harmful statements during this time. Intelligent – yes, but really harmful.
- Walk out of the situation. It can seem arrogant at times, but it’s seriously better to not say at this so called – opportune moment 😀 (however wrong, abusing someone can feel heavenly for that moment).
- Sometimes when I am really out of control and can’t adhere to any of the above, I just utter short and few sentences. The more you talk, the more crap you are gonna come out with.
Frankly, it all revolves around me saying nothing 😀 and yeah, it is a Band-Aid solution.
What I have learnt over time.
The best solution is to state the concern in a dignified way and clarify your limits or what is acceptable and what is not.
But when people involved, respond to only shouting language, then I communicate in the same or just walk away. I gauge my response as per the people involved.
Sometimes, venting out anger can be beneficial in healthy doses. We may get crushed by others if we do not learn to stand up when required.
There is also this second kind of scenario where my opponent is angrier than me. That is my favorite situation, as then I get full control over my anger. My mind starts to think about what is the best thing I can say without encountering permanent damage, and end up delivering the last word 😎
In Hindu mythology, Shiva and Shakti both are known for intense anger and their dance thereupon, which is a practical solution as exercise and creativity can together vent out the intense energy and help it cool down. This is also a solution for – we mortals, in fact whenever I exercise I feel better. Meditation is for the long term but immediate relief is achieved only through exercise.
I confess I am still learning my way with anger management and I get disastrous results many times but honing anger management is better than blunting anger. I don’t believe in suppressing anger.
The only point I make sure to remember is, not take any kind of decisions when angry. Wait till you can make a joke of the situation and then decide on the matter.
Angry with boss? Go home and hit a punching bag. Angry with traffic? listen to your favorite song – it may be the only time you get to relax. Angry with the world? time to change yourself, I guess. 😀